Friday, January 27, 2006

The Magic Number

So the hubby and I talked about it, and we decided that when I turn 30, either I'll get a tubal ligation or he'll get snipped, depending on what our research turns up to be the safest and least offensive. I really want to get it done now, but there's something about that magic number... 30. But why wait if it's something we want to do?

The fact is, we probably wouldn't be able to tell family about it. Can't tell my family simply because there's the potential of them telling my husband's family, or something slipping in conversation. I can just hear the jeers now, from his barren aunt and his stepsister who's knee deep into her fourth pregnancy in an attempt for her first child, to his desperate grandmother who'd just dying for great-grandkids. That's sort of why I think it's better if my husband gets the procedure, because then I won't have the guilt.

It's odd. I don't feel guilty about not bringing children into this world, but I do feel guilty when I think about doing something surgically to my own body to make it so. Makes no sense whatsoever, I know, because what does it matter if my bits are in tact or not to the women in my life who can't/couldn't have babies when they wanted them. They're still going to find it offensive.

Or maybe they'll understand. I haven't given them the chance to understand. I'm not sure I want to take that risk.

So for the next two years, according to "the plan", we'll continue to weigh the cons of various birth control measures, keep a close eye on the calendar, etc. All to make it an easier conversation with the doctors, to take away the argument of "oh, but you just got married", to take away the accusations of us being too young to make such a decision. Sure, if A goes in the doctor will say "does your wife know about this?" and if I go in, the docs will say "what if you change your mind?" Somehow I feel that once we've reached that magic number 30 that the discussion will go much more smoothly.

I just wish we didn't have to wait so we can stop being paranoid and just enjoy ourselves.

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