Thursday, May 17, 2012

An Acceptable Choice

Initially I applauded How I Met Your Mother for keeping Robin childfree, but that was before. Before they felt the need to justify her choice and their choice to keep her childless by making her infertile. It played into so many of my pet peeves because it minimizes her choice, and even though she stuck by it by not choosing adoption or fostering, her choice feels less powerful to me, somebody who would have liked to see a childfree person on TV respected. I like it in that it takes away peoples' hope that her mind will change, but it reinforces what so many people say to me.

Countless times it's been suggested to me that I should lie and tell people I'm infertile to get the people judging me to back off. But I can't. I have friends and family who've struggled with infertility. I just can't take the chance of getting into that conversation. I've seen the desperation in their eyes when they've talked about their struggle with wanting a baby so badly and being unable to have one. Without fail, infertility has brought mourning with it for the people I've known, and I can't play that game.

I understand that gives people a reason to accept my decision, to shut up about the pressure, but I want to be accepted for the choice in itself. I want people to stop saying I'll change my mind not because I'm too old to change it, or because nature took care of that choice for me. I don't want them feeling sorry for me.

I'm happy with my life and my choice, and that's after dealing with a pretty rough bout of arguing with my biology over babies. I'm not going to be a mom. Not because "it's God's plan." Not because I waited too long. Not because I or my husband can't make it happen. I'm not going to be a mom because I don't want to be.

Wouldn't it be nice if that was enough?

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