Friday, April 05, 2013

Full Time Job

I already have a full-time job. Two, on many days and nights. I work from home, often for very long hours fueled by lots of late night coffee, and because I generally make my own hours, when I can choose my hours I work into the wee hours of the night. I'm a textbook night owl, preferring to work late and wake late.

Because I love my job, my career, this is perfect for me.

The moment I consider how a child would change the way I live my life, my work is the first thing I think about. I think about the long days, the crunch time nights where I get three or four hours of sleep because I'm balancing so many clients, and know that there's just no room.

In addition to all this work, I have a marriage that I treasure. Our couple's time is very important. Even after 10 years together, we program in snuggle time into the morning alarm. We enjoy gourmet food and entertaining friends, and traveling is a huge part of our life together. To give up the vacations we take, to use our treasured vacation time to manage sick kiddos, I can't imagine that.

You make sacrifices, moms will say, and it's worth it.

But what if I don't want to make those sacrifices? What if the price is too high?

This is something I have a hard time explaining to people who've known all their lives that kids would be a big part of their life. Of course you can't explain to someone whose kids are their world just how much you value your time. When you don't have the drive to be a parent, there's nothing a parent can say that can make me want to change my priorities.

I know amazing parents who do it with grace. I know others who struggle. The consensus is that there are sacrifices involved, of course. Some work part time or fewer hours. Most who work full-time have family who cares for their kids. But all understandably devote an incredible amount of time to their kids' lives.

It's like adding another job to the list. I mean no disrespect when I say that, because I understand that everyone's kids are far more than just a "job", but that's just it. Because I don't have the drive, all I see is the work involved. As my mom said when I was younger, I'm "more of a career girl."