Monday, September 19, 2005

Omens (and guilt)

M, the "other girl" in my office, announced on Monday that she is pregnant. This, to any normal couple, would be great and happy news. The problem is, her husband is an asshole. Certifiable asshat. They've been together for two years, and are celebrating their 1-year anniversary next week... they've already spent the last four months in counseling. "But I'm sure when we have kids he'll be better," she says. Sure, he'll control his temper and stop throwing things, he'll stop buying cars you can't afford and he'll sell his new 2006 Corvette that you definitely can't afford when you have kids. Counseling is a good thing; if couples are having trouble, I think they should go. It helps people. But I think (a) if you're in counseling in the first year because your spouse "totally changed" and developed a violent temper overnight, you should reevaluate the relationship and (b) if "a" is the case, you have no business having babies. Babies don't magically make bad marriages better. Regardless of my personal stance on having children myself, I'm sorry, I just can't believe that M bringing a baby into that relationship right now could possibly be a good thing for her. I say this because I care about her. We may not be "hang out after work" buddies, but I spend more time with her than I do A, and yes, I care about what happens to her.

That's why today, when she started crying at her desk, I tried to comfort her. She thinks she may be having a miscarriage. She left work half an hour ago to go to her doctor, who wants her to come in. She's devastated, although she still doesn't know what's going on. She told EVERYONE that she's pregnant, and she's only 6 weeks along, so she's also really embarrassed. I didn't know what to say, so I just told her not to panic until after her doctor's appointment. But really, with her symptoms, it doesn't look good.

And all I could think is "maybe this is the gods telling you that maybe you two aren't ready to have kids yet." Of course, I didn't tell this to her face, but I still feel bad for thinking it. I don't know why, because that's what I believe. Her husband has already been yelling at her on the phone because her first instinct wasn't to leave work and go to the doctor when her symptoms started this morning, which of course made her even more upset. I keep wondering if he's going to blame her if she miscarries, make her feel even worse. Because he's that much of a jackass. I wondered if their marriage could survive a baby; I'm not sure it can survive her miscarrying.

I don't know, I guess I just feel kind of terrible about thinking bad thoughts about M's pregnancy; maybe a little guilty -- not like "this is my fault" guilty, but I just feel for her. This has to be just awful to go through. I still do believe that maybe this is some sort of omen that maybe they should get their personal relationship figured out before they walk down this path, but still... Poor M.

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