I created this blog in July of 2005 as a safe haven to share my words with anyone who will listen. After finding so many anti-child/anti-breeder websites out there championing the childfree lifestyle, I decided to create one that's neither. I adore the children in my life. I also adore giving them back. I think many of the parents in my life, especially my close friends, have absolutely made the right decisions for their families. And yet, if I speak out in my regular journal, I'm constantly misunderstood, misinterpreted and I end up hurting feelings. This is my safe haven. I'll share the stories that reinforce my decision to remain childfree, and my own thoughts as I deal with "coming out" to family and defending myself to friends.

Over the years I've heard from an unreal number of people who were pleased to find someone who felt the way they did. It's time people realize that the childfree community isn't a hate group. We're normal, good people who simply have decided that our lives are happy and complete without children. It's a choice that comes with a surprising number of challenges and evokes a great deal of passion from both sides of the aisle. I feel it's important that we band together and support each other as we come out to family, coworkers, friends and strangers, and live in a world where we're the minority.

Please comment if you are so moved, and welcome.

Saturday, July 09, 2011

Birth Control Party

Spending the evening at a friend's party that was not closed to kids is the best birth control ever. In one night there was a baby whose parents had to leave early because of his fussing, a curious but well-behaved one-year-old who couldn't stop touching EVERYTHING and opening every drawer, making a huge mess and nearly breaking many things, and a hyperactive three-year-old who acted like she'd done a few lines of cocaine before coming into the room with us. My head still hurts from said 3-year-old's screaming.

PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEEEE!!!

My friends all thought this was adorable. "Look how energetic and friendly she is! She isn't afraid of strangers at all!!" I spent the entire time anxious, nervous, and wanting to leave, and now I have a headache.

This is why we do not invite the kids of friends to evening parties. A barbecue, sure. But not an evening party with drinking and booze and grown-ups chatting about things that may not be appropriate. (Don't get mad at us, Mom. We're here to hang out. Don't want her to hear us? Keep her out by your clique of friends)

Actually coming out and saying out loud to my husband what I was feeling and confronting my fear that he'd take my statements and turn it into "let's have a baby" seemingly evaporated every bit of anxiety and babyrabies I was having. My body seems to have settled and is no longer throwing the pangs in my belly at me, and because of that my mind is clear.

Between that and today's kid experience, I'm feeling like myself again. It's a damn good place to be, and it was beautiful to come home to our kidless home and just relax in the peaceful quiet.
Posted by at 10:54 PM

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Stasha
I cried when I found your blog. It feels so good to read the experiences of another woman who has the conflicts that I too experience. Thank you for your frank and honest account of your life. I have saved this blog in my favourites and will be reading it in the future.
Your strength and ability to converse with your partner has made me feel stronger and more confident to talk with my partner.
Kym x

3:29 PM
Anonymous said...

Yes, your blog is great! My husband and I are in our 30's and are not going to have kids. When we go to parties with lots of kids I almost lose my mind and then thank God I'm not going to have to go home with any of those kids. I love my nieces to pieces and that's all I need.

11:33 AM

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