Saturday, August 20, 2011


Apparently this is a thing among (many?) women who dream all their lives of being mothers. They have a list of names all picked out for their future children. I know if my childhood best friend ends up with a fourth (FOURTH!) girl, the plan is to name her after me. Friends have names picked out long before they even get pregnant and, even though it often changes, they daydream about the named child all the time.

Yeah, I don't have names. Like anybody, I say things like "that's a nice name." I was listening to Within Temptation and the song "Jillian" came on and I thought that would be a nice name, but it's a fleeting thought and mostly on my mind because of this discussion I had with a friend about baby names.

I've never really had that name thing happening. I wouldn't have the slightest clue about what I'd name a child and the thought of it freaks me out because it's so much pressure. I love naming my characters for the games we play, or for stories I write, but I've never had that list of names picked out. But that's fun because it doesn't matter.

Naming a child is a gargantuan responsibility, and one I've seen friends and family members make both excellent and questionable choices, in my opinion. And that's just it. Add that to the long list of items that you'll be judged for as a parent forever. And we know how well I deal with being judged. (hint: not well)

It was an interesting tidbit that I grabbed from a conversation with a new friend, the parent of a four-year-old, who also said, "Don't do it. If you're on the fence at all, don't do it. It will change your life completely and you will know if it's what you want. If you're not sure, then you don't want to be a parent." Words to live by, I think.


Sarah said...

lol, there are some crazy names out there. I can't say I ever made a list. But I would hear some names and think "I like that name" or what have you. When I found out I was expecting, we waited until we knew the gender, then we used family names.

But I have to tell you, my very young sister-in-law is expecting. If they are having a boy, they were thinking the name Pharaoh. Yea...I couldn't make that up.

Karen said...

I must admit that I have thought about various names I like and stored them in my memory bank "just in case". Well we never did get around to actually having a baby, so now I think of those names for future cats. And really that is a much better use of all those cutesy names anyway.

Anonymous said...

The last time I considered kids was when I was in the 4th grade. At the time I was immersed in the Little House books and doing genealogy with my grandfather. My vision was to adopt 12 multi-racial children, name them old-fashioned names (think Nathaniel, Patience, Hannah, etc), and have my own personal Sturbridge Village complete with little red schoolhouse, and the kids dressed in colonial era clothes doing chores on the farm, taking classes in the schoolhouse, etc.

In the end, I don't have kids though if I did I still like the old-fashioned version better than the electronics-obsessed, tethered-to-their-parents version of today's childhood.

* Valerie * said...

I totally made a list, and I still have names I love. But naming an imaginary kid is the easy part!

sylviadlucas said...

I think naming a child would be the fun part. Like dressing it. When my husband and I have conversations like, 'If we had a kid, we'd never let him/her do this/that,' we like to make up a name for whoever our hypothetical child is that week.

Ann said...

I have a name picked out for a girl dog, Molly.
I longingly want a lab or greyhound. But not a baby.
My husband and I are mid-30s to early 40s and are Child Free By Choice.
Another CFBC friend found your blog and shared it with me. I look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Well I'm a woman that 'changed her mind' at age 32 about kids.

Up until that age, I had a long name list, with mostly girl names.

I had wanted a girl.. just one.

I can't imagine how upset I'd have been if I had gotten pregnant and found out it was a boy. From many nanny jobs and working in childcare, I KNOW that boys are much more loud, physical and aggressive.

Well at 32 I realized that I wanted a kid for all the wrong reasons.

Wanting to have fun shopping for kid crap is not a good reason to pop one out, it turns out.

So, I'm childfree now. I'm so thankful I never had any 'oops' moments. Because there were at least a handful of times my husband and I had sex without protection.

Now, I'm on the shot and he's looking into a vasectomy.

Anonymous said...

Oh i definitely have names. The dream daughter I won't have would be Matilda Grace. After Roald Dahl's heroine :)

There is no boy's name because i'd never want to parent a boy (ooh, part 1 of 1,000 as to why it'd be a bad idea for me to get pregnant!!)

Being sure that i didn't want to have children in the real world has never stopped me fantasising about what they might be like in a different universe ;)