Apparently this is a thing among (many?) women who dream all their lives of being mothers. They have a list of names all picked out for their future children. I know if my childhood best friend ends up with a fourth (FOURTH!) girl, the plan is to name her after me. Friends have names picked out long before they even get pregnant and, even though it often changes, they daydream about the named child all the time.
Yeah, I don't have names. Like anybody, I say things like "that's a nice name." I was listening to Within Temptation and the song "Jillian" came on and I thought that would be a nice name, but it's a fleeting thought and mostly on my mind because of this discussion I had with a friend about baby names.
I've never really had that name thing happening. I wouldn't have the slightest clue about what I'd name a child and the thought of it freaks me out because it's so much pressure. I love naming my characters for the games we play, or for stories I write, but I've never had that list of names picked out. But that's fun because it doesn't matter.
Naming a child is a gargantuan responsibility, and one I've seen friends and family members make both excellent and questionable choices, in my opinion. And that's just it. Add that to the long list of items that you'll be judged for as a parent forever. And we know how well I deal with being judged. (hint: not well)
It was an interesting tidbit that I grabbed from a conversation with a new friend, the parent of a four-year-old, who also said, "Don't do it. If you're on the fence at all, don't do it. It will change your life completely and you will know if it's what you want. If you're not sure, then you don't want to be a parent." Words to live by, I think.
I created this blog in July of 2005 as a safe haven to share my words with anyone who will listen. After finding so many anti-child/anti-breeder websites out there championing the childfree lifestyle, I decided to create one that's neither. I adore the children in my life. I also adore giving them back. I think many of the parents in my life, especially my close friends, have absolutely made the right decisions for their families. And yet, if I speak out in my regular journal, I'm constantly misunderstood, misinterpreted and I end up hurting feelings. This is my safe haven. I'll share the stories that reinforce my decision to remain childfree, and my own thoughts as I deal with "coming out" to family and defending myself to friends. Over the years I've heard from an unreal number of people who were pleased to find someone who felt the way they did. It's time people realize that the childfree community isn't a hate group. We're normal, good people who simply have decided that our lives are happy and complete without children. It's a choice that comes with a surprising number of challenges and evokes a great deal of passion from both sides of the aisle. I feel it's important that we band together and support each other as we come out to family, coworkers, friends and strangers, and live in a world where we're the minority. Please comment if you are so moved, and welcome. |
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About Me
- Stasha
- My husband and I are in our early 30s and own a home in the Chicago suburbs that we share with our two cats. That’s about as much as we care to handle. We’ve been together for nearly a decade. We're both movie and music lovers, computer geeks and gamer dorks. Travel and philanthropy are very important to us. Our friends are our third family, and we're fortunate to be close to a number of people, and have many kids in our lives — the children of friends, as well as our nieces and nephews. We're both college graduates in professional careers, living comfortably within the middle class. We've decided to put our careers and our relationship first in our lives, and believe that we can't maintain a fulfilling career, a loving marriage and relationship, and raise healthy, well-adjusted kid all at once. Since you often can't choose which one suffers, we're choosing to focus on only two of those elements.
6 comments:
lol, there are some crazy names out there. I can't say I ever made a list. But I would hear some names and think "I like that name" or what have you. When I found out I was expecting, we waited until we knew the gender, then we used family names.
But I have to tell you, my very young sister-in-law is expecting. If they are having a boy, they were thinking the name Pharaoh. Yea...I couldn't make that up.
I must admit that I have thought about various names I like and stored them in my memory bank "just in case". Well we never did get around to actually having a baby, so now I think of those names for future cats. And really that is a much better use of all those cutesy names anyway.
The last time I considered kids was when I was in the 4th grade. At the time I was immersed in the Little House books and doing genealogy with my grandfather. My vision was to adopt 12 multi-racial children, name them old-fashioned names (think Nathaniel, Patience, Hannah, etc), and have my own personal Sturbridge Village complete with little red schoolhouse, and the kids dressed in colonial era clothes doing chores on the farm, taking classes in the schoolhouse, etc.
In the end, I don't have kids though if I did I still like the old-fashioned version better than the electronics-obsessed, tethered-to-their-parents version of today's childhood.
I totally made a list, and I still have names I love. But naming an imaginary kid is the easy part!
I think naming a child would be the fun part. Like dressing it. When my husband and I have conversations like, 'If we had a kid, we'd never let him/her do this/that,' we like to make up a name for whoever our hypothetical child is that week.
I have a name picked out for a girl dog, Molly.
I longingly want a lab or greyhound. But not a baby.
My husband and I are mid-30s to early 40s and are Child Free By Choice.
Another CFBC friend found your blog and shared it with me. I look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing.
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