Sunday, November 25, 2007

Touching a Nerve

My post regarding my friends' choice to co-sleep with their infant and my complete lack of understanding toward it really seemed to touch a nerve with people——much moreso than any other post of mine, and I find that surprising.

People commented that the post was judgmental, and to that I say "that was the point". I'm not saying they're making the wrong decision, I'm just expressing confusion and a complete lack of understanding for it. The 24/7-ness of parenting is probably my main objection to the idea of being a mother, and co-sleeping, where the child sleeps in the bed with his parents, boggles my mind.

It does so for a couple reasons, but primarily it's invading the space of the bedroom. (Please bear in mind I realize how ridiculous this idea is if you have a child–—that's kind of my point.) The bedroom is a sacred place to us. No television, no distractions. Only a few select things happen there, and my husband and I like it that way. Having a child in the first place is distracting from the relationship, and bringing a child into the bed makes one-on-one intimacy (not the new breed of family intimacy that occurs while bonding with the child) nigh impossible. I find this bizarre.

OBVIOUSLY things change when you bring a baby into the picture. I like things the way they are and would rather they didn't change.

Am I judging the idea of co-sleeping? ABSOLUTELY! I understand why it's beneficial to the child, but on a selfish level I simply don't get it——and it IS a selfish thought. Am I judging my friends on their choice? Yes and no. I think they're going to make whatever decisions they feel work for them. I enjoy exploring my reactions to certain things when I feel so strongly, and this is one of those moments. I am horrified by the idea of it, but I also think that they feel this is the best decision for them——so more power to them!

I'm not planning on making a gazillion posts about the decisions my friends make about parenting and the rightness and wrongness of such decisions, especially as more of them become parents. But when something bothers me as much as the idea of co-sleeping does, I like to get my thoughts out and reflect upon them. Your comments fuel my reflection and I'm thankful for that.


Indy said...

You expressed and discussed your opinion on your blog. The entire POINT of this blog is so that you can do those things. If people didn't like your opinion, so be it. They are entitled to theirs, and you are entitled to yours.

BTW, I totally agree with you. It's hard enough making sure you don't neglect your relationship, and that you make time for intimacy. My boyfriend and I have lived together for a few years, and we both work full time, and I also serve as a board member for a non profit volunteer organization. I have a full life, and I don't always feel great. A lot of times we are tired. It's hard enough to make sure we don't neglect the relationship as is, I can't IMAGINE having any intimacy when you have kids. Co-sleeping? Kiss intimacy goodbye.

Indy said...

It's me again. I've seen so many great CF blogs lately that I gave in and started my own, because I find myself wanted to add things to other people's I'll put them on mine! I hope you don't mind I linked to you.

Anonymous said...

I think that you're missing something, that being many women have reduced sex drive while they're nursing, and it often takes quite some time for everything to go back into place. These factors often reduce the occurrence of intimacy.

Having said that, we don't co-sleep with our baby; she comes into our bed in the morning for half an hour; this is as much for us as her, as she wakes up in her cot, and makes noise, so we bring her into the bed, and she has a feed and settles for half an hour.

Generally, most people aren't being intimate early in the morning (well, not me, anyhow). It takes me a while to wake up.

Nice blog by the way. It's nice to see a rational 'no kids for me' person... so many self-proclaimed 'child-free' people clearly resent children.