Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Thank the Gods for One Pink Line

I just took my first pregnancy test in years.

All the signs were there. I've been inexplicably nauseaus the last few days, along with a host of other symptoms that pointed to babies. I talked to my husband and he insisted I go take the test now, even though he's at work, so I can stop feeling paranoid.

I cried -- a lot -- before I left to get the test. Never is it more clear to me that I don't want children than when I have a scare. I haven't had one in a couple years, but my god, there is nothing more terrifying to sit there watching the reference line coming in and praying to whomever will listen that the other line doesn't come up.

The IUD is as effective as a vasectomy, but it's still not 100%, and that small percentage is enough to freak me out when I'm feeling as crappy as I have been the last few days. I don't get a regular period, so there's no real way to know when I miss it. With my menstrual history I'm probably damn near infertile anyway, but I still get paranoid.

When I told my husband that I was taking the test, he reassured me, told me if it was positive it was my decision what to do and he'd support whatever I decided, which meant so much. But I was terrified, as i drove to Walgreens, as I stood in the checkout line, and I took the test and watched the pink line form in the reference area... I was more than half-sure this would be it. And I was thinking about my infertile friends, how horrible it would be if this happened to me and not them.

But it didn't. I'm okay. The IUD is effective and I've probably just got a bug.

I hope this helps me with my paranoia, knowing that these physical symptoms have nothing to do with pregnancy. I can go on normally, now. And I'm so thankful.


Robin said...

That is so scary, I'm glad it worked out.

Teri said...

Tiara Lynn,
Whew. I am glad it turned out okay for you. Your husband sounds wonderfully supportive.

Hey, I am going to add your blog to my sidebar. Should have done that long ago!