Friday, April 07, 2006

Regrets

There's a woman in the "Starting Over" house who lists one of her reasons for being in the house as "dealing with not having children." I look at women like that and can't help but wonder, even a little, if that could be me in 20 years. I look at my situation, my marriage, and it would be ridiculous to not wonder. It's human.

When I look at my friends with children, I think they're lucky that their families are as stable as they are. However, something undeniable has happened to their relationships: They are no longer a couple -- they are parents. I watch them give up time with each other (when it's often so needed) because they feel guilty leaving their children with family or a sitter. They sacrifice vacation time to nurse sick children. Romantic getaways? Not a chance. Maybe when they get a hotel room at their vacation site they'll get a suite so they're not sharing a room with the kids. But the destination is still largely determined by its kid-friendliness.

Would we ever be able to take our dream trip to Egypt with kids? Not for many, many years if we wanted him/her/them to appreciate it, and even then it would likely be far too expensive to travel. Traveling to Greece, China, returning to Spain -- never.

But it's not just about traveling. It's about living. We love our life together. I don't think of us lacking anything now, and I can see our closeness and intimacy suffering if kids were in the mix. Do I see us questioning this in the future? Honestly? Not really. If we run out of things to talk about, things to do together, then the last thing we want to do is bring children into that. I love my husband, and I want us to have the fullest life possible. Children would be a hindrance to that dream.

1 comment:

Suchitra said...

This sounds like everything that I have thought/said/done in last 4 -5 years so I could not stop myself from commenting though its a old blog. I love kids but would not commit for life as I am passionate about art and travel plus very cognisant of the environment. but friends and family misunderstand my love for kids and I end up getting hurt. People do not understand the selfless acts. Now I am 33 and I have started reconsidering. There is this constant conflict in my mind. I am re-thinking for the past 6 months.
Are you really happy with your decision becasue things change as you get older..